hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
