I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
