Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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