Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
