I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My liver is preforming stress tests.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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