I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
