I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
