So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
