So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
