No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
