he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
