I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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