we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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