She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Welp...herpes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
