you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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