Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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