I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
