My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize