I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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