this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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