I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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