bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
