Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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