God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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