He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
