Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
