So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
