you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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