I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
