It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
