the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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