sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
