I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dear god my vagina.
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