At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
