he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I am morally bankrupt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
