What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Panties = found
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