I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
