Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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