Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ok first of all what the fuck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
