Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
