im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
