my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
