I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
