And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
