I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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