I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
