I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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