yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
