today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
