Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
