Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
