Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
