We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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