I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
