She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
